Socially Awkward

Humans, by nature, are social animals. Our entire civilization was built upon social interactions. So much so, that we are expected to follow an undocumented set of social rules and guidelines. It is expected of us to know all of them, across the different cultures.

What if they think I'm autistic because I don't say grace?

Of course the normal daily greetings are simple. Just a simple "How do you do?" a "Good morning" or "Afternoon", surely everyone has managed to nail that by now. No. Do not be tricked into a false sense of security, you can never nail this, ever.

No, Just no.

Why? Well, what if the opposition had a bad day? How will that go down?

"How do you do this fine day my friend?"
"Terrible! My cat died, I got mugged, and, my car's on fire."
"Oh dear"

And "Oh dear!" indeed. You had no intention of opening the gates of hell so early in the morning.

But no, the magical unwritten set of social rules state (in Segment 142.7 Section BB-3G to be exact) that you have to stay, listen and act concerned...or does it? As I have hinted at, social interactions are full of evil traps. They're deadly, evil and sometimes render you cold blooded.

For one case, the scenario may go like this:

A: oh dear! How saddening! {I'm not even close to him...}
B: Yes and...
A: I'm sorry good friend but I am in a hurry, here, have a tissue

Or this:

A: {we're not even really friends} My cat died too, and my fish is on fire. And just because everyone is dying from cancer, I also probably have cancer. Don't see me crying about it.

Or even this:

A: Have you met Jesus yet?

The possibilities are endless, and arguably, they all lie in the grey zone of "is this an acceptable response?" I know what you're all thinking. Pui, you clearly only gave examples of unacceptable responses! Perhaps I have, my dear readers, but we have to remember, social interactions are only possible with 2 or more parties. Thus this raises the big question, should Person B have said what he did? Before you all unanimously say yes, think about this. You're on a bus talking to a fellow commuter to kill time. Do you really want them to know about your personal life?

Probably not.

In fact the sole frightening question that we must all ask ourselves at one point in time or another. "Does the other person even give a shit?"

Clearly not giving a fuck

Now, although this is the most difficult question to answer in the entire existence of civilization (because the answer of the universe is 42), I have devised a fail proof method to deal with these socially awkward situations.

I call it the "oh my god, is that a unicorn?" technique.
Rather than trying to explain it, I shall now list a series of scenarios to demonstrate.

Is your friend trying to bore you with their intellect?

Stun them with UNICORNS!

Are you being attacked by your tutor in class?

Use it as a distraction!

Do you have to sit through annoying family gatherings?

Great at creating chaos and confusion!

See how it fits nicely into almost all situations? Well sometimes there are scenarios where it doesn't work.

Violence is the key to everything!

But remember, only use the UNICORN-PUNCH technique in awkward situations where the normal UNICORN tech fails.

-Pui.x

But, alas, a Rose

Today is a day celebrated by many couples, avoided by an even greater number of single people and laughed at by children.

Valentines Day, really? It's almost if St. Valentines had nothing better to do but create yet another celebration for people who are in a relationship and laugh at people who are less fortunate or perhaps prefer to be single. Sure, it's a very "romantic" day where many people dream to share this designated day with their special other half, but the necessity? Hardly necessary.

• The Day You Asked Me Out
• The Day We First Went Out

These two would be the first of many things to celebrate in a relationship, no? In some more extreme cases:

• The Day We First Kissed
• The Day You Bought Me a Present
• The Day You Met My Parents
• The Day I Met Your Parents
• The Day You Bought Me A Pet
• Our Pet's Birthday
• Engagement Day
• Wedding Day

However, all is well if every single one of those celebrations are forgotten (except maybe wedding anniversary, that's kind of important), so long as Valentines Day is remembered. Why? Because this is the one and only day that everybody knows, one that everyone should be able to relate to.

This post shall be dedicated to what you should and shouldn't do on this wonderful day of martyrdom, forced sacrifice, love and romance.


Recommended Course(s) of Action(s)

Have already made plans prior to the night before, or in more extreme cases, before the day would just be good. 
This is mainly for the guys for various reasons. For starters, which girl out there would want to be the one to plan their valentines day? Somethings just shouldn't need to be said; in fact, some things, if said, would render the occurrence pointless and meaningless.

Purchase your respective partner a present, preferably before the day.
Exchanging gifts is the most publicly enjoyed sport in dating or just general partnership. Whether you hold a secret disgust towards your partner's sense of fashion or perhaps you dislike their old bag or wallet, gift would solve the problem. Gifts, is the most subtle form of communication in a relationship, whereby an invisible statement (mutually agreed upon) is written: you must hereby use the gift presented to you by your partner as an act of love if it will not violate any human rights or cause the user any physical or psychological harm.

Purchase flowers and/or chocolate for the day.

Once again, mainly for the male population. Self-explanatory, just uh...don't buy her flowers that you generally see at a cemetery...especially white or yellow roses.
 

Unrecommended Course(s) of Action(s)

Arrive extremely late to the date.
Extremely late meaning more than 5 minutes. Really, don't do it. Unless you're a female, in which it automatically becomes "ok" because as gentlemen, we're supposed to have chivalry.

Dress sloppy.

My girl actually asked me what she should wear today, and like most girls, she just wanted me to succumb to her desire to dress sloppy. Conversation went like this:

GF: What should I wear tomorrow?
Pui: A dress.
GF: What kind of dress?
Pui: A nice dress.
GF: What about jeans?
Pui: That's not a dress.
GF: And a T-shirt.
Pui: ...
GF: Can I come in my PJs?

Seriously girls, why do you even ask for our opinion?

Give your partner expectations.

Although most would disagree with me, think about it this way. It's much easier to impress someone when they have no expectations at all.

********************

Of course, the above were only a set of recommended guidelines and unless you're completely at a loss, you should not take any of them with a large degree of seriousness.

In closing, I would like to inform all couples that modern day valentines day is the result of consumerism and giving you an extra day to celebrate would only be beneficial for the restaurants, card stores, gift shop, florists and ultimately the Government which takes up all those taxes so jokes on you (and apparently me too). Raise awareness to the single people out there that there aren't more couples that magically appear on valentines day and also plenty if not more single people around too; so to all those who avoid this day instead of exploiting the weakness in other single people, jokes on you. Lastly, damn you children watching from the side bench and laughing, soon you'll be dragged into this vortex of Valentines Day.

-Pui.x

Average Celebrities

I figured that this post would not be the best of ideas as a post after emerging after disappearing from the internet life for a couple of weeks. On the side note, my disappearance has absolutely nothing to do with a lack of internet or a lack of computer, it has just merely been a lack of communication for the last 2 weeks with majority of people save for family and partner.

Having gotten that out of the way, I would now like to apologize for this post as it deviates from normal content but is something I currently feel strongly about that I would like to raise a discussion about: Visual Appearance.

As shallow as this seems, please do not dive into the safety ideal answer of "looks-are-not-important-what-matters-is-personality". False statement. Deep inside every one of us, looks always plays an aspect, big or small. So where should you draw the line? This part is tricky, by now, we should all know that relationships belonging to the 2 individuals is a big lie. That is the core of the relationship. The rest of the relationship includes family from respective individuals. Good first impressions, flawless manners, looking good the first time you meet, are all impressions everyone attempts to make in an attempt to appeal to their partner's family.

What if you're not attractive? If you're just average, or worse, below average? How will that turn out?

Readers, if you bothered to read this, please voice out an honest opinion. How important should the ratio between good looks and personality be before considering future or current occupation?

Shut your trap

Events in the holidays for a majority of us college kids? I figured that Movie Marathon or similar events would be one of the most hit activities held indoors in the time of holidays. After all, how many would you would find it a delight to head out in the hazardous Melbourne (Victoria, Australia) weather where it would hail, become extremely sunny reaching a top of 24 degrees Celsius before bucket down rain again in the matter of 1 and a half hours. This was also a repetitive cycle on that particular day...weather, it's actually a viable ice breaking conversation here in Melbourne.

As a responsible representative of your average population, I did the honours in attending a movie-afternoon-to-whenever-you-people-decide-to-leave event at a friend's house. Having experienced that I have a few things I like to discuss and a few tips to deal with events that are similar.

Body Pains

Although the name of the event does not suggest it, body pains is certainly in the terms and conditions with movie marathons or what ever marathon you are holding. Long hours of sitting still without moving around and staring at one direction whilst straining one's neck and eyes is the main culprit and a prerequisite for these events.

Don't be fooled by this seemingly relaxing posture.

In hope to find a solution for this treacherous inconvenience, our hero (or representative), attempted to do star jumps in front of the screen to loosen up tense muscles. This was accompanied by food appraisal from the rest of the audience, chips, biscuits, and assorted dry food would come flying in said person's direction. Grunts, boos and irritated voices would most likely be heard from the audience.

 

So uh...the tip here is to avoid doing any stupid movements, especially if they're large notable movements which interfere with the audiences viewing pleasure. If you still intend to, bring a large bag or container to salvage the dry food projectiles, it is a great way to loot snacks.

Comments

This one here is a tricky one. When you're in a group of good friends, one would feel comfortable with voicing his or her opinion with a particular topic (fatal mistake). However, in the cinema, one must shut the fuck up or comment on the topic in a subtle whisper...so then, what happens when this movie or show is watched with that group of good friends at one's home?

I have gathered from my experience that there are acceptable comments and unacceptable comments. For ease of assess, I have provided examples:

It is cute indeed.

Correct comment!

The puppy was shown to die 3 times.

WRONG COMMENT!

Tip? I don't have one, I live in constant fear of making the wrong comment at the wrong time.

My conclusion? Movie marathons are a life threatening and stressful experience, movies should be watched separately and not bunched up in one. Why it is such a hot event is beyond my comprehension; nevertheless, I will continue to put my life at risk and attend these events.

Fellow readers what do you enjoy doing indoors with friends during holidays? Do you have any tips you would like to add to my list of what not to do during movie/series marathon?

-Pui.x

Dates

Dates. What do you do when you go on them?

1. Shopping. Who doesn't like shopping with your partner? I for one, love shopping and dressing people up. Anyone, so long as I don't have to pay for everything, partner is exempted of course.
   
2. Movies. You all like to watch some movies right? After all it's a form of entertainment, perhaps not at the cinema but definitely at home in front of your computer or glued to your massive plasma TV.
   
3. Gaming. This is only for some couples. By games I don't actually mean games that you see guys play 24/7, I mean games like pool, scrabble...more social games. Surely you've played games with your partner, if not, you surely have played games with your friends be it a male or female. This is definitely on one of the things you do on dates...potential ones anyway.
   
4. Chilling at a park. For those of you who watch enough movies and anime to know when a couple walks through a park, there would always be a lake near by, a conveniently placed park bench, some swans near by and something romantic happens. That or it starts pouring with rain and they run for the nearest shelter. How can you not add this to the categories?
   
5. Chilling at a theme park. Roller coasters, haunted houses. No reason why you shouldn't chill here.
   
6. Chilling at the beach. Romantic walk down the beach. Bikini...nice strong abs...do I need to say more?
   
7. Chilling at respective houses. Before meeting the parents, you probably got sneaked in and watched a movie or just chilled and talked. After meeting parents, your partner most likely is deliberately placing you in awkward positions...that or you get along perfectly fine with their family. I am placed in horrifically awkward situations by my partner.
   
8. Occasional random surprise event that occurs in the city. These are spontaneous and unplanned usually. Event occurs, you both decide it'll be fun. Settled.
   
9. Sex. Let's not dwell on this topic.
   
10. Traveling around the world. My guess is the majority of you who read this do not have the luxury to travel around the world. It is, after all, a very costly and time consuming process. However, this is a great way to simulate living together with your partner and will also strengthen bonds. Not to mention, it'll take you places you've never seen before.
    
11. Eating. Come on, every single couple does it. In fact it is probably the easiest way to bond, via food. Who doesn't like to eat? Tell me that and I'll force a cow down your throat.

So I went on a date today with my girlfriend.

She thinks I can't see her with her face covered. xP

Given desirable circumstances I would have compiled the above list and ticked them off as the day went along. But circumstances weren't desirable and we only ate and saw a movie. Then we chilled at SOMEONE else's house.

Day went somewhat like this.

• Wake up.
• Fall back asleep.
• Alarm wakes me up
• Sleep through the alarm
• Jerk awake with the idea that I'm late
• Rush toiletries and get dressed
• Out the door to pick girlfriend up
• Drive for 45 minutes, being constantly interrupted by roadwork
• Awkwardly say hi and bye to her mother
• Drive to eat lunch
• Restaurant isn't open yet
• Buy tickets
• Restaurant STILL isn't open
• Buy snacks

Snacks that were snuck into the cinema

• Restaurant is open. (Breath of relief at this point)
• Consumption of food.
• Food is consumed.

Me eating food.

• Movie is watched.
• Children disturbs my movie experience
• Takes girlfriend to friend's house to chill
• Awkward situation happens
• Bail.

As most of you can see, this is far from ideal. Infact to make it worse, the awkward situation that happened at my friend's house was me accidentally hugging another girl that I mistook for my partner. How did that happen? My head was turned away from her and friend was conveniently placed where girlfriend would've otherwise been.

Which brings us to the next section: What you should never do on dates. They're all self-explanatory.

1. Hug her friend because you mistook them for your girlfriend.
2. Hug her friend for the second time because you mistook them for your girlfriend a second time.
   
3. Do it to the same friend.
4. Watch a children movie with your partner in the middle of school holidays
5. Watch a children movie at all.
6. Be in the vicinity of more than 2 children at any given time of your date.
7. Wake up late to your date
8. Inability to speak to their parents at the start and/or end of the date.
9. Suggest your partner to NOT place their feet on the dashboard of your car because it was sunny and their feet were cold. (They'll end up putting their feet on your lap whilst you're trying to drive)

"I love children! Just not when they're in packs." - Pui.
Fellow readers, do you like children in mass quantity...say...50? What do you do on dates, can you extend my list? What other taboos are there for the other list?




-Pui.x

No new updates

Late blogs. Don't you hate them? Here you are expecting a blog update from a much appreciated author...but the post is late. And there you are sitting there waiting for them to post. Maybe in the evening, you reassure yourself. But this is no more than a false sense of security. There was no blog posted up at 7:00pm...9:00pm...11:00pm... Then it dawns on you. The blog you were looking forward to reading is not just late by a few hours...it's late by a day or two. At this point you scream for help, for something to drop a bit of liveliness into your otherwise dull and boring day. In a frenzy, you reread everything the person has posted, every other blog you read, manga, comics, but none of that seems to satisfy you. You need that new blog, you don't even know what it is but you need it, you yearn it.

When everything seems hopeless, and you get discouraged, fate seems to be nice to you and taunts you. An update from that author: "Sorry about the lateness of this post, I'm really tired/can't be bothered/you can just wait/lol sucker/partying. I'll post the details later". Beads of sweat roll down your forehead, what does this mean? Does this mean in another 2-5 hours? Perhaps they mean to give them 10 hours of sleep before a post will be updated onto the site. Then again they just theoretically blogged and gave a status update, maybe you'll have to wait another 2 days to hear from them. You're nervous and you're going crazy. Suddenly your life seems much bleaker. Well it figures, you spend most of your lives glued to blogs and manga.

Sadly, I have become one of those authors. I'm too tired and I do need to sort out some photos, but to be less annoying and a more fun loving/audience interactive author of this blog. I'll give you a sneak preview of what has been putting a halt to my sleep, and one of many more potential photos that you may see within the next 26 hours, when I release my next blog. For now, enjoy!

Polish that shoe my king, polish it!

Fellow readers, do you hate late updates? Perhaps just in manga, or your favourite net comic. Do you get disappointed because you wait for a update from my blog and it never comes?


-Pui.x

Pictures

I now remember why I stopped blogging previously on Xanga.com.
I hate blogging without pictures, it makes my blog so dull and un-entertaining. Chunks of text are withstand-able so long as there are a suitable amount of images to compliment them.


Pictures are wonderful, they allow us to observer and visualize what's happening around us. This gives us a sense of security. Why? Why are humans so obsessed with visual aids? Perhaps this has something to do with our dependence on sight as our primary source of information, or maybe it is because when we talk to people, we make a note on their body language and expression, and through today's technological means...it's rather impossible.

WAHHHHH

Of course this is all upon my personal speculation. Pictures are very open ended unlike text. Text, can be written so that there is utmost clarity, but a picture can always be interpreted in multiple ways. I guess that's why people indulge in visual communication, photography, and fashion.

Let's have a look at photography.
Here is a picture which will be our test, the photographer is me.


This one simple picture of paper roses, depicts paper roses. One may say that the picture was taken for appreciation of the oragami, perhaps it's trying to portray the way artificial objects have begun invading nature, or replacing nature with artifacts. There are many thoughts that may be deduced from this one single picture, yet not a lot can be said about it either...after all, the picture portrays a cropped version of the greater picture, which we cannot view outside our little box. What's under the roses, what's to the left? These questions may never be answered.


Now let's look at the picture again after some alterations via photoshop. I have turned it black and white. Immediately, this has a dramatic effect over the viewers. Suddenly, the picture appears to be some form of memory. Commemoration of a deceased loved one? Celebration of an important event? Or is it just a picture taken by a hopeless romantic? Perhaps one might even, once again, take the faded aspect and link it with the environment.

Countless innovations from a single picture may arise. This is why I love visual communication, photography and just art in general. Alas, these can all be mixed into one. A kind of stop motion, that isn't exactly motion, just a cartoon strip like the ones you find in the entertainment page of the newspaper. But I believe, the reason why I dive into the safety of blogging with pictures is, for the reason why photography was invented in the first place...the ability to revisit memories.

So fellow readers, what are your thoughts on art? What kind of art do you like? Do you personally take the time to be a little creative yourself?



-Pui.x