Road Rage

If you live in a western country, then chances are, you'll learn how to drive a vehicle. If you learn to drive a vehicle, chances are...it'd be a car. As of late, I realised what a massive hypocrite I am when it comes to road rules and manners. Even if you don't have a license I'm sure you also understand, being the fellow backseat driver that 90% of us are.


Turning Into a Freeway
The adrenaline rush that comes with the ability accelerate to 100 (or 120) km/h. It can't get better than that when there is no cars near you before and after you merge. It's that 2-3 seconds of freedom to go beserk without having to worry about getting caught by cops hiding from nearby bushes.

If you understand that feeling, then you also understand that feeling when there's a car next to you, also trying to merge into the freeway. It would be fine normally...but, they're trying to take your place. How dare they? Trying to rob your freedom of speeding. In fact, they probably have a better car with a better engine.

They even have sunglasses.

But you don't want to give your position to that obviously better car. So what do you do? You push your car hoping it would go faster. But it doesn't. Face it. A girly car like Toyota Yaris isn't going to out accelerate a Skyline.

Seriously, why are you trying?

But the hypocrisy? Where does that come in? When you're the one who has an edge over the other car. Sure you're still using the girly Yaris, but this time you're up against a 1973 Ford Laser. Yep, being an average tight ass, you just overtook their cereal box on wheels.

But that's not the worst part. The worst part is, chances are, this is all happening during peak hour traffic. Meaning, the freeway is probably congested and the cars in front of you are traveling at 10km/hr or even not moving. Idiots, wasted fuel to fight over an insignificant position only to halt dead in your tracks.


Weaving Through Traffic
Ah...who isn't guilty of this? For those who raised their hands physically or in their hands, I don't believe you. Even deep inside as a passenger you were thinking "Omg overtake that stupid car".

Many times the past few weeks have I been stuck in peak hour traffic, waiting for the moving cars in the lane next to mine to run out so I can switch lanes. And after 10 long seconds, my patience is rewarded, the moving cars disappear. That's when it hits. Everything slows down, mocking me. In the corner of my eye, I see the car behind me from my rear view mirror. It changes lane faster than me. And by the time they've finished, the traffic flow is resumed.

How dare he/she deny me of my patience? It's almost like they think I'm the Fountain of Patience. No! Patience doesn't magically grow on trees. I only had 10 seconds of it and you used it!

At the same time, I feel a great feeling of dominance when I do the same to my fellow drivers. But it's ok, I'm only reaping my 10 lost seconds of patience from the last time someone stole it from me.


Jay Walkers
I don't know where the term comes from but I hate them. Perhaps it's different in other countries but in Australia, at least in Melbourne, people are like the Gods of the road. It doesn't matter if they materialized right infront of you. If you hit them, they can press charges.

I categorize them into a few categories: the dasher, the statue, the old lady, and the crowd.

Let's start by having a look at the statue. These people like to stand in the middle of the lanes, nonchalantly. It's almost like they're challenging me to run them over and score 100 points but land in jail. You'd probably say, "Just avoid them, they're in plain sight and aren't even moving." Unfortunately, this particular breed tend to be more abundant during night time. And yes, they're wearing dark clothing.

Next, there is the dasher. Perhaps they view this as an extreme sport, or perhaps they actually want you to run them over, but whatever the explanation, this breed of jay walkers like to wait until you're close enough to hit your brakes hard when you see them dashing in front of you.

Then you have the crowd. At a young age, we're all taught that there is safety in numbers. Apparently, people get too comfortable with this idea and take it on to the roads. Though technically speaking 2 is not a crowd, as my reader you should not question my logic and just nod affirmative when I tell you that 2+ people jay walking at the same time is The Crowd.

These believe they gain invulnerability when they are no longer one, but many. However, The Crowd is not a seperate breed of jay walkers. They're simply a category of delusional social behavior that jay walkers display. That is to say, you can have a crowd of statues. Or even worse. A crowd of half statues and half dashers. Much like penguins.

A crowd of jay walking penguins.

 Finally, you have the old lady. Not disrespecting any elderly people here. In fact, I have done volunteering work to help out at nurseries. However, being elderly does not give you invulnerability to incoming traffic. You would probably die faster than any other jay walker. Yet, the old lady (or the old man if subject is a male) would casually stroll out at a snails pace across 6 lanes of traffic. If being old makes you invulnerable to dying via physical impacts...then I want to be old.

In all due respect, it does make my day when I've been waiting for 5 minutes at the Give Way sign when a random jay walker appears to block the incoming traffic for me.

-Pui.x

Such is Life

So, due to personal reasons and the intensity of final year of undergraduate uni, I have been completely ignoring the blogosphere. My bad guys, my bad.

I also realize this means I have to go back on the promise that I would sketch the next few blogs. However, I will slip in a few here and there. Let's get rolling though:


Why Guys Shouldn't do Errands. 

Sure, there have been a lot of sexist jokes about how when guys are sent off to grab something in a shopping centre, they get it over and done with in 10 minutes where as girls would most likely to take 2-3 hours.

Good laugh, sure. But reality isn't like that with guys.

Case 1: Buying Groceries

The other day mother asked me to go buy some cucumbers 'cause she was making some sushi that night. Now I've seen a cucumber before, I've eaten a cucumber before. I felt pretty damn confident that I can locate a cucumber or 2 and purchase it without fail.

 For all you fellow readers that have had a similar experience with something like capsicum will understand. No deal. It's a trap. I walked into to the supermarket, confidence alarmingly high. My first mistake was thinking that zucchinis were cucumbers. I headed right for them disguised vegetables and lifted one up to examine it. That's when I noticed the sign behind the vegetable said Zucchini. I panicked. What is wrong with you food? The next few cucumber like objects that I examined were all different looking zucchinis!

Really? You can tell a difference? I still can't.

After searching frantically for another 5 minutes, I located the cucumber section. Thought I was safe and breathed a breath of relief. As I approached I realized my fears just began. There were small chubby ones, then there were long thin ones. To make things worse, I didn't know how to pick out a good cucumber.

There was only one thing to do in a situation like this.

Guys, they're easily overwhelmed by the diversity of different fruit and vegetables. Please don't crash our systems.

Case 2: Buying Snacks for Camp
Snacks and junk food! How can guys get this wrong? We can't. You're right, but this is what happens when you leave two guys and a clueless girl to buy things for camp.

Before we could get to the candy section my girl had caught up to us with such an expression.

Apparently if we eat too much junk food we'll get cavities. Who knew?!

Case 3: Going to a Store that They don't Usually Visit

-Pui.x

Dropping By

To View Full Picture, Please Left Click on the Picture.

Feeling so Fly...

Last night I had an epiphany for my next update. Unfortunately, due to certain circumstances, I was unable to do so until today.

To get a better understanding of the entire story, we'd have to roll back a week ago. Our blogging hero Pui had yet to blog for 2 weeks, and things weren't looking good for his site at all. He needed to fix that, and fix it quick, but hey, his last undergraduate year of college had began, so he has all the right to push back the update no? And so, within his contact hours, he found the time to go shopping in Melbourne's "Fashion Capital"...Chadstone.

Like always, I would attempt to enter any single shop that sells expensive and stylish male clothing, following close behind, my girlfriend with her imaginary leash of constraint. After a long fight, she had successfully prevented me from purchasing 1 blazer, 1 leather jacket,  2 wallets, 1 suit, 1 belt, 2 shirts, 3 ties, 2 pairs of shoes and trendy shades. Unwilling to admit defeat, I forcefully dragged her into the final store.

There it was. The game changer, the heavenly jacket that glowed. There was no more arguments. I got the jacket.

I was a bloody glowing hero.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Fast forward the story back to this week. I was wearing the coat like a boss, chilling down the streets.

It suddenly dawned on me, that I most probably didn't know how to walk; this thought truly saddened me. My foot swelled up to 1.3 times the size of my other foot within the matter of minutes, but that didn't concern me, after all, when a full grown adult fails to walk, it is a day where suicide is highly considered for the benefits of the human race.

It was only a short while after my suicidal thoughts subsided due to the growing immense pain from my leg, so like anyone else, I got into my car and drove to the nearest medical clinic from home (approximately 45 minute drive) as opposed to going directly to the hospital 5 minute walk away.

After being redirected to a hospital and waiting for 3 hours with Tony's company, I ended up on wheel chair.

Alan: Hey Tony, I have a wheel chair. Jealous?
Tony: Yes, a bit.
Alan: I also finally have something to blog about!
Tony: Really? That's the first thing you think about?
Alan: ...yes.

Moral of this pointless post?

1. Jackets are nice.
2. I'm glad I didn't damage my jacket.
3. In all seriousness, it was a pretty nifty jacket.

See? It's a nifty jacket.

-Pui.x

But, alas, a Rose

Today is a day celebrated by many couples, avoided by an even greater number of single people and laughed at by children.

Valentines Day, really? It's almost if St. Valentines had nothing better to do but create yet another celebration for people who are in a relationship and laugh at people who are less fortunate or perhaps prefer to be single. Sure, it's a very "romantic" day where many people dream to share this designated day with their special other half, but the necessity? Hardly necessary.

• The Day You Asked Me Out
• The Day We First Went Out

These two would be the first of many things to celebrate in a relationship, no? In some more extreme cases:

• The Day We First Kissed
• The Day You Bought Me a Present
• The Day You Met My Parents
• The Day I Met Your Parents
• The Day You Bought Me A Pet
• Our Pet's Birthday
• Engagement Day
• Wedding Day

However, all is well if every single one of those celebrations are forgotten (except maybe wedding anniversary, that's kind of important), so long as Valentines Day is remembered. Why? Because this is the one and only day that everybody knows, one that everyone should be able to relate to.

This post shall be dedicated to what you should and shouldn't do on this wonderful day of martyrdom, forced sacrifice, love and romance.


Recommended Course(s) of Action(s)

Have already made plans prior to the night before, or in more extreme cases, before the day would just be good. 
This is mainly for the guys for various reasons. For starters, which girl out there would want to be the one to plan their valentines day? Somethings just shouldn't need to be said; in fact, some things, if said, would render the occurrence pointless and meaningless.

Purchase your respective partner a present, preferably before the day.
Exchanging gifts is the most publicly enjoyed sport in dating or just general partnership. Whether you hold a secret disgust towards your partner's sense of fashion or perhaps you dislike their old bag or wallet, gift would solve the problem. Gifts, is the most subtle form of communication in a relationship, whereby an invisible statement (mutually agreed upon) is written: you must hereby use the gift presented to you by your partner as an act of love if it will not violate any human rights or cause the user any physical or psychological harm.

Purchase flowers and/or chocolate for the day.

Once again, mainly for the male population. Self-explanatory, just uh...don't buy her flowers that you generally see at a cemetery...especially white or yellow roses.
 

Unrecommended Course(s) of Action(s)

Arrive extremely late to the date.
Extremely late meaning more than 5 minutes. Really, don't do it. Unless you're a female, in which it automatically becomes "ok" because as gentlemen, we're supposed to have chivalry.

Dress sloppy.

My girl actually asked me what she should wear today, and like most girls, she just wanted me to succumb to her desire to dress sloppy. Conversation went like this:

GF: What should I wear tomorrow?
Pui: A dress.
GF: What kind of dress?
Pui: A nice dress.
GF: What about jeans?
Pui: That's not a dress.
GF: And a T-shirt.
Pui: ...
GF: Can I come in my PJs?

Seriously girls, why do you even ask for our opinion?

Give your partner expectations.

Although most would disagree with me, think about it this way. It's much easier to impress someone when they have no expectations at all.

********************

Of course, the above were only a set of recommended guidelines and unless you're completely at a loss, you should not take any of them with a large degree of seriousness.

In closing, I would like to inform all couples that modern day valentines day is the result of consumerism and giving you an extra day to celebrate would only be beneficial for the restaurants, card stores, gift shop, florists and ultimately the Government which takes up all those taxes so jokes on you (and apparently me too). Raise awareness to the single people out there that there aren't more couples that magically appear on valentines day and also plenty if not more single people around too; so to all those who avoid this day instead of exploiting the weakness in other single people, jokes on you. Lastly, damn you children watching from the side bench and laughing, soon you'll be dragged into this vortex of Valentines Day.

-Pui.x

Cuz baby I'm home sick.

Casual meetings. A grey and sensitive area when it's a one-on-one meeting with the opposite sex. For a more clear picture on why this is the case, let's break it down into sections.

Section 1: The Build Up

With today's technology, a majority of us, the youth, prefer contact via the means of Instant Messaging. Our first problem. Intended tones such as sarcasm are almost impossible to detect, so what do you say to make sure...for the sake of this guide, let's call them subjects. So what do you say to make sure said subject does not feel like you're flirting with them? It's not easy.

You: So it's a nice day today.
Subject: Yes it is.
You: So wanna go get drinks?

Perfect example that demonstrates someone who just wants sex.

You: So it's been a while.
Subject: Yeah it has...a year now?
You: Yeah, hey remember when we use to date?
Subject: Uh...sure...
You: Wanna get drinks?

There is no good way to do it without making it weird and awkward. Mind the exaggerated examples of course. But then, you do get stumped over. Which brings us to the next part...

Section 2: The Location

Where is a suitable place for 2 people who are not on a date to meet up without generating suspicions? I have prepared a list of places that are suitable for such a small amount of people and would likely pop up when arranging a one on one meeting.

• The Park
• The Bar
• The Cafe
• The Mall
• Over Lunch
• Over Dinner
• ETC.

Obviously, there are more to add to the list and the list by itself would appear to be innocent. However, if the 2 individuals that were meeting up were not both single, and in the worse case scenario, both in a committed relationship, red lights suddenly pop over the list. Let's have a closer examination at what go on in the subject's thoughts in a few of the locations aforementioned.

The Bar.
Female: Does he want me drunk?
Male: This will get interesting

Over Dinner
Female: This isn't anything serious right?
Male: Is she hitting on me?

The Mall
Female: Ah shopping.
Male: Why the hell do we want to go to the mall?

Suddenly, the list of locations that appear to be safe become much shorter.

• Over Lunch
• Cafe

Section 3: The Meet Up

So from personal experience, in order to avoid embarrassment and misunderstanding, precise arrangements and minimal communication works best.

Pui: Hey, we haven't seen in ages.
Subject: Yeah like a whole year now.
Pui: Cool, we should catch up sometime, over coffee/lunch?
Subject: Sounds good, how have you been?
Pui: Hey I got to go, how about next week? K cya.

So why minimal communication prior? It's so you can save all the talking in the meet up. You've arranged for a meeting and you have a few hours to kill with conversation. You can't bet that your amazing life is as amusing to you as it is to them so save every last drop of topic. If you don't listen to this advice...well...

You: So the other day I tripped and almost died.
Subject: You said that already
You: and then I almost got hit by a car the next day.
Subject: You said that already
You: blah blah blah
Subject: Said that.

...it becomes a little awkward.

You: So how's the weather?
Subject: Weather like.

Section 4: Dress Code

Whether the other sections went smoothly or not, they will not be able to cause the same horrid impact as this section. Don't believe me? Think about it now. You're going to meet up with a friend from the opposite sex that you haven't seen in a long period of time (Over 10 months), they have a partner and you do not wish them to think you are hitting on them. How do you dress? Let's begin with male attire:

• Formal Wear
• Smart Casual/Semi-formal Wear
• Stylish Casual Wear
• Casual Wear
• Hobo Wear

I'm sure most of you would agree that Hobo Wear and Formal Wear should come off immediately leaving Smart Casual, Stylish Casual and Casual. If you wear smart casual wear, would the subject think you're over dressing? If you wear stylish casual, would the subject think you're gay? If you wear casual wear, would the subject think you're slack?  As the subject's old friend, I hope you know their personality and your own to pick out the most fitting attire.

For females, it's a little bit more complicated. Firstly we have a similar list as above:

• Formal Wear
• Smart Casual/Semi-formal Wear
• Stylish Casual Wear
  
• Casual Wear
  
• Hobo Wear

And then we have the next part:

• Dresses
• Skirts
• Jeans
• Tights
• Stockings
• Short-shorts
• Heels
• Flats
• Boots

And then some might take a look at this list:

• Padded
• Push-up
• Nude

And finally:

• Low Cut
• High Cut
• Revealing one shoulder
• Strapless
• Low cut at the back
• Exposes the back
• Length of skirt/shorts

As I am no expert on female clothing, girls, I just hope you know how to unravel that list and put together  your outfit. Or if you can, help me out here to complete this guide.

-Pui.x